


Santa Only Cums Once a Year

by Kylux_TRASH



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Porn, Ass Play, Ass to Mouth, Butt Plugs, Butt Slapping, Butts, Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Puns, Christmas Smut, Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger, Dildos, Dom/sub Undertones, Edgeplay, Eggnog, Fluff and Smut, I REGRET NOTHING, Kylo's flirting skills literally suck, Kylux - Freeform, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mistletoe, No Lube, Partying, Phasma is Jewish, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, Smut, Strip Tease, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, and this is a GLORIOUS mess, but not just ANY puns, inappropriate use of mistletoe, jk i regret EVERYTHING, lmfao mitaka is a HOE, puns, sin - Freeform, this is literally so sinful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7425850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylux_TRASH/pseuds/Kylux_TRASH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas Eve! And it seems like everyone aboard the Finalizer is celebrating. Well.. <i>almost</i> everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Santa Only Cums Once a Year

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing is based off of [this post.](http://otp-kylux.tumblr.com/post/147108296601/some-first-order-christmas-headcanons)
> 
> I'd like to thank my AWESOME beta, she also writes fanfic!!! Here's her [tumblr ](http://shifting-iris.tumblr.com/)

Hux groaned audibly as he entered the common lounging area. What he saw in front of him was a complete disaster.

There were officers dancing to the jolly music blasting through the speakers. Cookies and gingerbread houses filled up nearly every bit of counter space available. Presents and wrappers littered the floors, those who were dancing wildly had to maneuver their way through the mess. The area smelled of eggnog and sweat. He glanced around the room, and his eyes locked on Mitaka, flirting with a random stormtrooper. Hux tried to get someone to clean up the mess, but no one paid him any mind. The fact that this time of year caused adults to let everything go to shit made no sense to him.

"Oh, not you too." Hux croaked as he looked at Phasma. Her usually chrome suit was now painted with a blue criss cross pattern. There were small dreidels drawn all over the suit going up and down her legs and abdomen. She looked ridiculous.

Phasma shrugged, "To be fair this isn't a Christmas costume, it's an Hanukkah one."

Hux grimaced and before he could speak, a slightly drunk Kylo approached him. Kylo looked even more ridiculous than Phasma. He traded his usual black robes with red ones with a golden tinge. His usual black gloves were replaced with shiny gold ones. He was also wearing green tights with a Christmas ornament pattern all over it. Kylo's mask was spray painted with a red, green, and gold glitter spray. Hux groaned as Kylo threw his arms around his shoulders. Even though he had his mask on, he was holding eggnog and he reeked of stale alcohol.

"Well what a ho ho ho," Kylo chimed, pointing to Mitaka who was now flirting with **two** stormtroopers. Hux watched as the two stormtroopers lead Mitaka away from the party and probably to a more secluded area. Hux tsk'd at Kylo's terrible pun and at the fact that now the image of Mitaka having sex with two fucking stormtroopers was in his head.

"I hate this time of year." Hux said shaking his head at the sight of the galaxy's finest dancing and drinking merrily.

"This is the most wonderful time of the year, Huxxy." Kylo muttered against Hux's ears. Hux groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What?" Kylo asked gripping Hux's shoulder even tighter.

"With all due respect sir, you need to lighten up." Phasma chimed in. Hux folded his arms and pouted.

"Christmas," Hux spat, "is just an excuse for a bunch of military trained adults to act like complete idiots."

"Careful Hux, you're acting just like the Christmas grinch," Kylo jeered. Phasma laughed, and they all turned as a lieutenant threw themselves into the bowl of eggnog. The crowd around him cheered drunkenly. Hux grit his teeth.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Phasma stated. She briskly turned to address the chaos and disorder. Hux pouted again and folded his arms. Sheesh, and Hux called Kylo dramatic.

"She's right, you know," Kylo purred, his voice electrified by the modifier, "you need to relax." Kylo began to dimly sway Hux to the crappy Christmas tunes, and Hux scoffed.

"Relax? I'm trying to build a goddamn empire not stand here and watch fucking Frosty get dry humped by a bunch of my subordinates." Hux wasn't lying. There was a man. In a Frosty the Snowman costume. Getting dry humped. By a bunch of his subordinates. Kylo laughed at the sight and Hux pressed his arms even closer. The officers near them flinched at the sound of laughter coming from Ren’s vocoder.

"Aww, come on Huxxy. That looks really hot. I'd bet you'd love to get in on that, dry humping, mascot, orgy." Kylo teased, pressing Hux's body even closer to his. Hux scoffed and his mouth fell open in a wide o shape.

"Really Ren, I have no idea why I said yes when you asked me to go out with you." Kylo snorted and lowered his hands from Hux's shoulders to his waist. Hux thought he should tell Kylo to stop, but it wasn't like any of the officers would even notice them- or remember considering how heavily they were all drinking.

"You TOTALLY wanted to get all up in this Christmas stocking, Hux!" Kylo exclaimed. Hux smiled, widely.

"Is that the best you can do Ren?"

"If you jingle my bells I’ll promise you a white Christmas." Kylo claimed against Hux's ears. Kylo’s voice sounded aroused through his mask and Hux shuddered. He untangled Kylo's arms from around his waist and turned to leave the party.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Kylo protested, as he watch Hux walk away from the party.

"To go get my work done. Like an adult," Hux turned to consider Kylo, "We're in a war Kylo. It seems as if I'm the only one who remembers." Kylo rolled his eyes, he was about to say something back, but he noticed that Hux was standing directly under mistletoe. Hux didn’t need to see his face to know that was Kylo smirking. Kylo walked over to Hux like a predator would to its prey.

"Awww, look. You're standing under mistletoe, I'm standing under mistletoe... well?" Kylo prompted. Hux smirked and lightly patted Kylo's mask.

"Ya, well why don't you take that mistletoe and shove it up your ass?"

"That can be arranged." Kylo replied. Hux rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

"One of these days, I'm gonna find that stick up your ass, and replace it with my dick!" Kylo shouted.

"You do that." Hux responded. Kylo watched helplessly as Hux left the party.

'"Umm, sir." Kylo turned to his right to see a flushed and disheveled Mitaka, who probably just returned from his lil rendezvous.

"We're under mistlet-" Kylo forced waved Mitaka away from him. Hux wanted mistletoe up his ass huh? Well, that could be arranged.

**********

Hux had no idea how long he had been working for. There were reports, war strategies to analyze, and he thought that that was a better use of time than drinking eggnog and dancing around like a drunken idiot. The door to his quarters swung open. Hux looked up to see Ren standing in his doorway.

"Evening Ren, has the party died down yet?" Kylo took off his mask, let it fall to the ground. He smiled at Hux, and walked over to his desk.

"No," Kylo gave Hux a chaste kiss, "that party has at least 3 hours of life left to it!" Hux sighe. He was just about to tell Ren that he was going to go down to the party to stop the festivities, but then Ren quickly shoved down his pants and turned towards Hux.

"What are you doi-" Hux gasped. Ren's ass was something of a weakness for Hux. But the sight in front of him made Hux feel like he was going to faint. In between Ren's asscheeks was a buttplug. Lube and precome was dripping down Kylo's legs. The butt plug had a ring attached to it, and from that ring dangled a long piece of mistletoe. Hux bit his lips and his cheeks flushed. He felt uncomfortably hot, and his dick hardened.

Kylo turned his head to look at Hux. He laughed slyly, and straightened up. He turned back to Hux, walking over to his desk where he was still seated.

"I put it in after you left the party. I believe, your exact words were, "take that mistletoe and shove it up your ass" mmm Huxxy?" Kylo was teasing at this point. He sat his bare ass on Hux's desk, bending over obscenely to pull down his tights and shoes. As he bent down, Hux could see the mistletoe even better. He gulped.

"I didn't mean literally, you naughty boy." Hux breathed out. He slapped Kylo's ass and Kylo yelped. Hux began to palm the growing erection in his pants. Kylo slid off of Hux's desk and made his way to Hux's bed. He situated himself on the edge. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and loudly licked his fingers, exaggerating every moan.

"Why don't you," Kylo moaned around his fingers.

"Why don't you, come sit on Santa's lap?" Kylo teased. He slapped his thighs, and his already hard dick was now leaking precome. Hux shouldn't but he couldn't help himself. It was almost like his body made him get up and straddle Kylo's thighs. Kylo smirked down at him. Hux could feel Kylo's hard dick against his own. Both men moaned. Hux brought his lips against Kylo's pale neck. Already replacing old hickeys.

Kylo keened and groaned as Hux drew blood. He grabbed at Hux's shoulders, having a fistful of his uniform in his hands. He groaned in frustration as Hux's pants rubbed against his erection. Kylo was about to speak up when Hux pulled him closer with a kiss. Kylo, leaned back into the bed and Hux followed, laying on top of him.

Hux pulled up on Kylo's red robe, and Kylo pulled it off of him, now he was completely naked- save for the Darth Vader Christmas socks he was wearing- Hux kissed him passionately. He rolled his hips as he licked and nipped at Kylo's lips. Kylo's jutted his hip forward wanting bare skin contact and not Hux's pants.

"Strip for me Huxxy! Pllleeeaassee!" Kylo whined against Hux's mouth. Hux pulled back and smirked. He slid down Kylo's body, when he got to Kylo's dick he kissed it roughly. He got off of the bed, and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Kylo sat up and watched Hux as he grabbed his own hard dick.

Hux stood up and straightened himself. He smirked at the sight of a naked Kylo jerking himself off to the sight of him. Hux knew that he was attractive, slim and lanky, but attractive. He didn’t know how much of a catch he was until he started going out with Kylo. The way that Kylo stared at him, like he was a star and not some pale, ginger murderer. It made him feel special and dare he say.. Loved?

“Come on, babe,” Kylo purred. Hux smirked even deeper and raised his eyebrows.

“Do you really want to taunt the person who’s giving you masturbation material?” Hux teased as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

He rolled his hips as he let the shirt fall to the ground. Kylo groaned.

“Damn Kylo, I’m not even _naked_ yet!” Hux flushed. Kylo smiled, rubbing his dick harder.

“Hux, I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.”

“Yea?” Hux questioned as he slowly rolled his tank top over his shoulder revealing his toned, but not muscular chest. His chest was sprinkled with freckles, and a light rose colour from his persistent blushing. Hux turned over and rolled down his pants, giving Kylo a view of his ass. Kylo sped up the movements on his dick.

“You are beautiful!” Kylo groaned as Hux removed his underwear, showing him his bare ass.

“You shouldn’t have low elf-esteem!” Kylo. Hux threw his underwear at Kylo’s face. Kylo just grabbed them and sniffed. He looked back at Hux, who was full on red right now.

“You’re disgusting, and please, no more Christmas puns or, jokes! Nothing Christmas related!” Hux stated as he walked over to Kylo. He wrapped his legs around Kylo’s waist and looked down at the mess that Kylo was making. Hux lightly grinded against Kylo’s hand, and he moaned and threw his head back. He exposed his neck, inviting Hux to bite it, but Hux had something better in mind. He scratched Kylo’s neck and trailed his hand through Kylo’s scalp, bringing them in close for a kiss. It wasn’t chaste at all. Kylo slid his tongue into Hux’s mouth, moaning as he felt his boyfriend’s tongue against his own.

“Here let me do that for you,” Hux managed to say in between kisses. He patted Kylo’s hand away and took Kylo’s dick into his own hand. Kylo groaned and twitched. Getting off was nice, but having Hux jerk him off. It was incredible. Hux twisted his hand around Kylo’s length. He’d go super fast, relishing in the wet and obscene sounds of Kylo’s dick, then he’d slow down bringing Kylo’s mouth close to his. Kylo was a whimpering mess.

“Mmm, and what did _you_ want for Christmas, Kylo?” Hux asked rolling his tongue against Kylo’s bottom lip. Kylo keened and threw his head back, he tried to rock into Hux’s hands, tried to make him go faster, but he knew how stubborn Hux was, it was just best to comply with him.

“I-ah- I thought you said, no Christmas stuff” Kylo breathed out. Hux slowed down his pace.

“Yea well… why don’t you tell me what you told old-saint dick what you wanted?” Hux smirked when Kylo beamed at Hux’s pun. Hux twisted his fingers, and harshly tugged at Kylo’s dripping cock. Kylo groaned and threw his hands on Hux’s thighs, squeezing them.

“I wanna cum, please can I cum? Make me cum!” Kylo begged so harshly, it took Hux by surprise. Someone as powerful as Kylo, begging him to do something so mundane as cumming. Hux was rendered speechless. He widened his eyes and looked into Kylo’s eyes. He nodded sharply.

Kylo groaned, rocked himself, and came so hard it splattered onto Hux’s chin. Hux milked him through it til Kylo stopped shaking and whimpering. Kylo laid back and watched as Hux straddled his hips, sucking his fingers dry of Kylo’s cum.

“And you called me gross,” Kylo gasped off. How he was able to speak after what Hux did to him was beyond him. Hux giggled and got an all fours, till his face was directly over Kylo’s. He pressed small, chase, and really light kisses all over his boyfriend’s face. Kylo giggled and wrapped his long arms around Hux. Hux kissed Kylo. They stayed like that for a while, Kylo wanting to feel every inch of Hux’s mouth, while Hux rutted carelessly against Kylo’s hips.

“Mmm, I wanna get you off,” Kylo said pulling back from a kiss. Hux bit his lip and nodded. Kylo quickly turned them over so that Hux was underneath. Kylo palmed at Kylo’s ass, slapping it before he realized that the plug was still inside of him. Hux smirked.

“I can’t believe you shoved mistletoe up your ass.” Hux giggled, Kylo bent down and kissed Hux’s neck and collarbone, he bit down lightly, making sure not to leave a mark.

“You’re being rude-olph!” Hux groaned at Kylo’s terrible pun, “I’m supposed to be getting you off, stop fidgeting with it.” Kylo said, trying to sort of dominate the situation. Hux laughed and tugged the mistletoe sharply. Kylo rocked forward, his dick brushing against Hux’s. Both men groaned. Kylo, slightly irritated that Hux wouldn’t allow him to get him off, began attacking Hux’s neck and collarbone. He pressed harsher kisses, and bit him where he _knew_ no one else would see it. Hux moaned and wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck.

“Sonovabitch, fuck me.” Hux pleaded. Kylo chuckled.

“Your wish is my command.” Hux rolled his eyes. Kylo peeled back from Hux and reached his hands behind him. He pulled on the mistletoe before it slid out almost too easily. Lube slid out of his overstretched asshole.

“What are you doing?” Hux demanded to know. Kylo smirked before he shoved the dildo up Hux’s ass. Hux yelped and then groaned, his hips rolling. He bit his top lip.

“You could’ve warned me, asshole.” Hux screeched. Kylo chuckled.

“You like it, and besides it’s wet enough that it shouldn’t hurt _too_ bad.” Hux groaned. Kylo was right though, Hux _did_ enjoy this. The pain, and after he had sex, it seemed to keep him focused. Hux stared up at Kylo who was smiling.

“Well, on with it!” Hux demanded.

“Alright, alright!” Kylo grabbed the mistletoe  that dangled from the dildo and twisted it, causing the dildo to twist slightly in Hux’s hole. Hux groaned, squinting his eyes. Kylo doubled his efforts. He slowly pushed it out of Hux before shoving it in even harder.

“Please, no teasing, I can’t.” Hux looked up at Kylo. Kylo smiled before pushing it out and in really quickly for about a good minute. Hux arched his back, and screamed.

“Kylo, stop being an ass! Just fuck me!”

Kylo smiled and slid out the dildo. Hux groaned and arched his back even further. Once it was out of him, he tried to sit up. Kylo helped him up and put him in his lap. He smiled at Hux, who was glaring at Kylo so hard, that if looks could kill he’d be dead. Kylo lined his dick up with Hux’s hole, and pushed it in. Hux sighed, and wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck and his legs around Kylo’s waist.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” Kylo reassured.

“I know, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

Kylo first went slowly trying to give Hux a bit of a break after the constant teasing, but when Hux started scratching his back and pushing himself against Kylo’s dick, Kylo sped up. The room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against each other, and the moans and sighs of two men. Outside the party, seemed to be dying down.

Was it hours, minutes, or years? Hux didn’t know but before he knew it he shuddered and his orgasm seemed to be ripped out of him. Kylo quickly followed. Hux loved the feeling of Kylo’s warm cum in his asshole. Kylo allowed Hux to catch his breathe before he set him down. Kylo walked away to retrieve a towel to clean them up, when he came back Hux was staring at the ceiling smiling a little bit.

“What are you smiling about?” Kylo asked, as he wiped the cum off of his boyfriend.

“Just, all of the gifts you got me, they were so thoughtful.” Hux grinned at Kylo who was staring at Hux like he was the sun.

“Ya well.. Wait till you see the last one that I got you!” Kylo wiped his cum off of Hux’s asshole, and Hux sighed.

“Show me now!”

Kylo gasped, “It’s not Christmas yet!”

“Kylo, you’ve given me a present everyday for the whole 12 days of Christmas thing, plus it’s midnight. Show me!” Hux said. Kylo sighed and leaned back looking at Hux. He used the force to push a present towards them, Hux sat up as the present landed in his lap. It was a long box wrapped in a beautiful pink paper. There were silver bows with little first order insignias.

Hux loved presents, but he also loved the thought that went behind the gift giving. And Kylo was always so thoughtful. Kylo honestly just loved to shower Hux in gifts. Seeing the look on Hux’s face was more of a gift than anything.

Hux gasped as he unwrapped the present. It was a beautiful white robe that has only been worn by the greats like Trawn and Krennic. Hux looked at Kylo, his expression blank.

“Soon, you’re going to be emperor Hux, I just know it! You need to be rea-” Kylo’s words were cut off by a passionate and warm kiss. Hux pulled back and placed his forehead against Kylo’s.

“Thank you.” Hux said lightly. Kylo beamed. Hux cleared his throat. He went to go hang up the robes, Kylo watched as Hux walked away, his bare ass towards Kylo.

When Hux came back he was holding a huge box.

“This is for you.” He presented the gift to Kylo who took it into his hands. Unlike Hux, he didn’t unwrap presents, “properly” he just ripped it till it opened. When he opened it, there was a smaller box inside of it. He held it into his hand. He slowly unwrapped it, and inside was a ring. It was black and silver.

“I thought that it might go with your whole, aesthetic.” Hux stated. Kylo chuckled, and looked down at Hux who was on his knees. He grasped Kylo’s hand in his, and he took the ring and placed it on Kylo’s finger.

“Kylo, I umm, I’m not good with feelings. I’m sort of a loner and, I push people away. I’m rude and I don’t like too many people. I come from a broken family dynamic. I have no idea why I’m telling you this.” Hux breathed in and Kylo squeezed his hand for reassurance. Hux looked into Kylo’s eyes.

“You haven’t pushed me away because of any of these traits, and I love you for that. I just don’t want to be with anyone else. Kylo, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, that is if you’ll have me.”

Kylo stared at Hux in disbelief. Hhe patted the bed next to him, motioning for Hux to sit next to him.

“If? If? Of course, I’d love to have you Hux!” Hux beamed.

“It’s just that…”

“What? What is it?”

Kylo used the force to push a box from their closet into Hux’s hand.

“I was supposed to propose to you first asshole!” Hux beamed, and quickly unwrapped the present. The ring was beautiful, it was a light rose color with the words, “ _Always_ ” branded on the inside. Hux quickly threw his arms around Kylo’s neck pulling him in for a hug. Kylo chuckled and adjusted them so that they were laying down. Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux’s shoulders. He put his head against Hux’s forehead and kissed it.

“I love you. Merry Christmas.” Kylo said sleepily.

“Merry Christmas, Kylo.” Hux said as he fell asleep in his fiancee’s arms.  

**Author's Note:**

> This is SUPPOSED to be funny......buttttttt..... I don't know if it is! Please ignore that pun, although it CRACK-ed me up!... _~~kill meeee~~_
> 
> I listened to [this](http://8tracks.com/amnesiamachine/merry-f-ing-christmas) playlist while writing this fic, (And FYI, Kylo and Hux _totally_ fucked to the first song that comes on! Haha (That playlist is VERY nsfw!!)
> 
> Anyway, if you liked this terrible shit, come say hi on my [tumblr](http://otp-kylux.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
